Despicable
by Lix9799
Summary: Such a taboo-ed word, and I never truly had a meaning for it until I met you. Who knew that behind those vulture eyes, you were hiding the fresh wound that you wanted no one ever to see? "Will it so."


_"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson_

_Don't own any Special A._

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><p>Despicable.<p>

The first time I looked into you eyes, you were most definitely not looking back into mine. I had realized that your eyes looked just like mine, except faded a bit, perhaps due to your age and experience. They were lifeless, yet full of something other than mere evil; it seemed as though your soft brown eyes had taken on such a sharp, glinting look to cover something much more personal, and much more painful.

The first time I scrutinized your hair, you were most definitely not scrutinizing mine. I had realized that your hair was the same generic color as your eyes, paled (and perhaps even sun-bleached, though you never went outside much). Your bangs flopped pathetically over the bridge of your nose, yet you took enough care to trim the poking ends above your eyes, just allowing enough space for your calculating eyes to see the outside world. And leaving the curtain lifted just slightly from your defined eyes, that was when I first took notice of you...

...Your eyes were staring off somewhere, not in the present, but further into the past. Somewhere that only you could reach, and others could barely hope of glimpsing. I suppose it was the angle of the light, or the distance I stood from you that day, but I could have sworn that I saw, undoubtedly, an unmasked pain. Such a faint, trivial detail-surely you did not expect me, of all strangers, the 'little mute girl' to be able to decipher the code you had spent so long building up. Surely you did not think it would be I to climb over the fortification you had spent so long designing. And I know for sure that I was not the first to breach your limits, for the pain in your eyes imparted the darkest secret of someone, or something, that had hurt far worse than any physical pain ever could.

And when you turned, taking a deep breath and ready to step away from whatever meditations you had lost yourself in, you found the 'little mute girl' staring at you. Your eyes once again became what I always picture today-a dark, beady brown-and I shrank approval of my reaction was revealed in your petty smirk as you shuffled away. The scoff on your twisted mouth spoke words that only I could decipher: "Mind your own business."

Father and Mother warned me to stay far from the 'despicable' ones ever since I began elementary school with Jun-kun. In our household, 'despicable" was almost as looked-down-upon as awful manners, bad grades, and irresponsibility. Yet I had never found a true, reliable definition for this taboo until I met you and your piercing scoff. Yes, such a taboo word could only describe you, Saiga Yahiro-for you want to be recognized as such, and I shall label you as such.

That day, when you found me gawking at you, you spoke a total of three words, yet the meaning inside was so much more. I still wonder today, trying to nibble down on exactly what you meant when you stared deep into my eyes with yours-dark brown on faded caramel-

_"Will it so."_

So I have willed my tale to be written on simple paper-which can be easily burned, soaked, crumpled, even obliterated-the same rough-edged paper that I use to converse daily. It is my will that people will read on about such a arduous, pathetic, and rather stupid effort that I put into searching for what was merely prancing about in front my own eyes in the guise of such a horrid person. I hope that it is understandable that this endless chase has only led back to the beginning, if not lower than the beginning, for now I know what I want, yet I have no hope of ever getting it back.

Saiga Yahiro, I have willed for so much-yet why hasn't it become so?

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><p><em>Wow! I finished the entire anime in 2 days (yes, all 24 episodes of Special A), who knew I was such a fluff addict? D:<em>

_Quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson-I think this is one of the most epic and cliche quotes out there, probably why I chose it. It's amazing, isn't it? I think I think this is will nicely with where i plan on taking this story._

_For those of you who haven't read any Special A or watched any, in my case, and if you are a fluff addict (I recommend it not for non-fluff people), I would suggest checking it out. I've been super depressed since I finished the anime (yesterday), and I wanted to write something. Like... I seriously wanted to write something-so tada!_

_Review, please! I don't know if I'm actually going to continue. I will be at a 6 weeks Math Camp over the summer (yes, like a true nerd) so I might not have much time to finish up on a storyline before leaving. If so, i want to know exactly how well-recieved this will be, otherwise I will turn back to writing my Figments story (Rukia and Byakuya from Bleach, please check that out too)!_

_I feel like Billy Mays._

_Anyways..._

_I think that's enough rambling for now. PLEASE REVIEW! Enjoy!_

_Thanks_


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